


I Wish I Were Here

by JetGirl1832, tomatopudding



Series: The Hamilton Family Album [35]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bipolar Disorder, Family, Gen, Going to college, Mental Health Issues, New York City
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 18:25:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6621424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetGirl1832/pseuds/JetGirl1832, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomatopudding/pseuds/tomatopudding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The time has finally come for Philip to go off to college, but Angie is finding it harder to say goodbye than she anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish I Were Here

**Author's Note:**

> We are so sorry, don't hate us.

2010

"Come on Ham Fam time to pack up and move on out!" Philip called to Angie from the base of the stairs.

"If I ever hear you call us that again I will hit you," Angie muttered as she descended the stairs and entered the kitchen, her hair in a messy bun tucked into her hoodie.

"Good morning sunshine," Philip snorted taking in her appearance.

"Just because you like being up early doesn't mean we all do," Angie muttered.

"Pops I hope that coffee is done, I think Angie's going to need a lot of it," Philip went into the kitchen.

"Just like her mother," Alex laughed as she walked past him.

"No you two are just insane," Angie followed her brother, "and I very much appreciate my sleep."

"Well we could leave you here to sleep and Philip and I go to New York without you," Alex suggested.

"And let you have all the fun without me? No way!" Angie shook her head.

"That's what I thought," Alex laughed.

"So can we get going?" Philip was practically bouncing up and down.

"Once we get your sister hooked up to a caffeine IV, sure," Alex replied.

"Haha, not funny." Angie glared at her father.

By 7:30 Alexander, Philip and Angie were ready to start making their way to New York City.

"I remember starting at Columbia," Alex reminisced fondly, "it was on my first day that I met your Uncle Laurens."

"Dad we know," Angie groaned, "you've told us that story a million times."

"Well did I tell you about the time-"

"Yes," Angie interrupted.

"Hang on, you don't even know what I was going to say," Alex glanced at her in the rear view mirror.

"Except that I do because I'm amazing like that," Angie smirked.

"Humility is not in your vocabulary is it?" Philip turned around from the front.

"I wouldn't be a Hamilton if it was," Angie replied taking a sip from her travel mug.

"That's my girl," Alex smiled.

"I'm a strong, independent woman who don't need no man," Angie countered, her voice muffled around the cup.

Alex laughed, "Did your mother teach you that?"

"No, Philip did," replied Angie.

"Yup," Philip said happily.

"It's an interesting thing for a womanizer to say," Angie told him.

"I am not a womanizer," Philip protested.

"Oh, please," laughed Angie, "How many girlfriends have you had over the years?"

"No comment," Philip grumbled.

Angie leaned forward in her seat so she could smack a kiss on Philip's cheek, causing him to laugh.

"How long is it going to take us to get back to New York?" Angie asked settling back in her seat.

"A few hours," Alex replied while keeping his eyes on the road.

"Philip."

"Hmm?" Philip turned to face her.

"Do you remember that game we used to play in the car?" Angie asked.

"Which one?" asked Philip, "We used to play a lot of games in the car. I Spy, the License Plate Game..."

"The License Plate Game!" Angie exclaimed, "that's the one!"

"I think," Angie amended her statement as she thought about it, "how does that one go again?"

"You see how many different state license plates you can spot," Philip reminded her.

"Right," Angie nodded, "you know so always wondered about those ones from Hawaii," she laughed.

"You were five," Philip laughed, "how can you possibly remember that?"

"I just have a stellar memory," Angie said haughtily, "Plus, it's just so weird. Who gets their car shipped over from Hawaii? I mean, seriously."

"How do you guys feel about some McDonalds for breakfast?" Alex interrupted as they pass by a sign that proclaimed the existence of several fast food chains at the next highway exits.

"You mean you're actually willing to stop the car long enough to go through a drive thru," Philip gasped teasingly, "Who are you and what have you done with my father!"

"Your mother would never never forgive me if I let you starve," Alex replied as he merged into the lane to get to the exit.

"Of course that's the only reason why," Philip rolled his eyes.

"It couldn't possibly be because mama doesn't let us have fast food," Angie added slyly.

"Not at all," Alex replied promptly, following up after a bear of silence, "Do me a favor and don't tell her, though."

"I promise," Angie replied with a giggle.

"I'll have to think about it," said Philip, grinning.

Alex rolled his eyes and clapped a hand on the back of Philip's neck and ruffling his hair affectionately.

"Dad," Philip protested with a laugh.

"I can't believe we're driving you to college," Alex sighed, "when did you grow up so fast?"

Philip simply smiled, "Soon you'll be taking Angie."

"Don't remind me," Alex sighed, "losing one of you is hard enough... Angie you sure you want to go to college?"

"Just try to stop me," smirked Angie.

"Don't tempt him Ange," Philip laughed.

"I've got mama on my side," Angie replied, "I've already won."

"She has a point," Alex said with a sigh, merging off the highway.

He quickly found the drive through and pulled in behind a gray minivan

"What are we thinking?" asked Alex.

"Hash browns," Philip and Angie chorused with matching grins.

"And more coffee," added Angie, "and maybe an Egg McMuffin."

"Hungry, are we," chuckled Alex.

"I'm a growing girl," replied Angie.

"Although dad I'd be careful about giving her more coffee," Philip teased.

"I need it," Angie pouted.

"Oh no," Alex laughed, "your mother not going to appreciate having another coffee addict in the house."

"It's not fair comparing my coffee habits to yours," Angie replied.

"And why's that?" Alex wondered.

"I haven't had nearly as much time to develop mine," said Angie.

Alex chuckled and pulled into the drive thru, "You'll never catch up with me."

"Exactly. So it can't hurt to get me more coffee," Angie shot back smugly.

"Very well," Alex laughed as he rolled down the window when they pulled up, "I guess I won't need to cut you off just yet."

"Pops that probably wouldn't be a good idea anyway, we don't know what kind of beast lurks within her anyway," Philip teased.

"Rawr," commented Angie calmly.

"I'm so scared," chuckled Philip.

Alex shushed them so he could place their order and then brought the car around to the pick up window.

\----------

"Philip, look!" Angie gasped as they pulled out of the Lincoln Tunnel and into Manhattan. The skyscrapers of the city, which they had seen from across the Hudson, seemed so much more real when they were about to drive past them.

"It's so pretty," Angie sighed. She was definitely a city girl, through and and through.

She rested her arm the window as she took it on, "I missed this."

She was ten and Philip had been twelve when they ended up moving to DC.

Alex did his best to weave through New York traffic on their way to Hercules and Beth's place. It wasn't long long after that when they pulled up at a building on the edge of the Garment District and found a place to park.

Angie sighed as she dragged her bag down the street as the three of them walked towards the apartment building where Uncle Herc and Aunt Beth lived.

"How much farther?" Angie asked her father.

"We're almost there," Alex laughed.

Philip then slowed his pace slightly for long enough to take her messenger bag from her, "Is that better?"

"Yep," Angie said happily, popping the P slightly and hooking her arm around Philip's. She was really going to miss him when he was away at school. Angie unconsciously stepped slightly closer to her brother.

The three of them walked at a quick pace the few remaining blocks to the building where they breezed past the doorman and called up to the apartment to be let in.

"Hello?" Hercules' voice crackled on the intercom.

"Guess who," Alex said with a grin.

Hercules' laugh sounded through the speaker, "Alexander, plus two. Come on up."

The buzzer sounded and Alex pushed through the door, leading Philip and Angie to the elevator.

The elevator dinged and the door opened on the fifteenth floor and they walked down the hall to 1506 of which the door was already opened and Hercules was standing there.

"Alexander," Hercules greeted, holding his arms out.

Alex's smile widened as he was wrapped in a hug. Hercules had always given the best hugs. Philip and Angie were each given the same treatment before Hercules ushered all three of them inside.

"Beth is working a little late tonight," Hercules explained, "They've got a new issue going to the printer early tomorrow morning and there was a mishap with the cover photo."

"I do not envy her," Alex sighed, "sometimes she makes my job look easy."

"She does that to everyone," Hercules chuckled, "Alright Angie you'll be sleeping in Will's room, Philip we've got a blow up bed for you... Alex you don't mind terribly sleeping on the couch?"

"If it's the same couch you had the last time, then no," Alex laughed, "that's almost better than a bed."

"Then you are in luck," Hercules smiled.

Philip handed Angie back her bag before taking off his backpack.

"So what are your plans for this trip?" Hercules inquired.

"See some sights," Alex replied, "Take the kids to some of our old haunts."

"He won't stop talking about this one bar," Angie informed Hercules, "I keep reminding him that neither of us are old enough to drink."

"Oh yes," Hercules said knowingly, "Neither of you has had a sip of alcohol in your whole lives."

"No comment," Philip said with a grin.

"I'm not listening to this," grumbled Alex, "I don't need to know."

Philip laughed, "Alright, it never happened."

"Good," Alex gave a nod.

"So how was the drive?" Hercules asked.

"Not bad," Alex said.

"Pops managed to stop for breakfast and lunch," Philip told him.

"It must be voodoo," Hercules gasped.

"That's what I said!" laughed Angie.

 

Hercules laughed, "So any plans for the rest of the day?"

"If I have to sit in one place for any longer today, I might die," Angie said dramatically.

"Whatever Angie wants to do is fine with me," added Philip, the implication clear that he wanted to spend as much time as possible with his sister and closest friend.

"Well kids?" Alex turned to Angie and Philip, "you up for some exploring?"

"Well if not you are more than welcome to relax here," Hercules suggested.

Alex looked at his watch, "Well it might be a little late to go to any of the museums-"

"Central Park?" Angie suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Philip put in, "Pops?"

Alex nodded his agreement and Angie clapped her hands excitedly.

"Here," Hercules said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out three Metro cards, "take these."

"Thanks, Uncle Herc!"

The three of them went back down the hall to the elevator.

"You know I remember going there when we were younger," Philip reminisced, "I always liked that dog statue... What was that?"

"Are you talking about Balto?" asked Alex.

"That's the one!" Philip grinned.

"It was also your favorite movie," added Angie.

"Yeah," sighed Philip happily, "Man, I haven't seen that in forever."

"The days of good old VCR," Angie sighed, "William will never know what it means to rewind-"

"Don't even pretend to be a 90's kid," Philip chuckled.

"Pretend?" Angie raised her brow as she hit the button to go down on the elevator, "I'm not pretending, it says so on my birth certificate, 1994!"

The elevator dinged and the door opened and the three piled in.

"How much do you remember?"

Angie pouted, "That is not what qualifies you," she turned to her father, "Dad, back me up here, please?"

"I abstain from this argument for fear of being accused of favoritism," Alex said primly.

"That's such a cop out!" laughed Philip.

"So lame," Angie agreed, slipping her hand into Alex's and swinging their joined hands slightly between them, after all she had always been her father's little girl and she knew it.

The elevator dinged again letting them off on the ground floor and they walked out of the building, Alex leading them towards the subway.

Philip had a big grin on his face as he took it all in, just being there was giving him a rush that sent shivers down his spine and caused him to buzz with excitement.

Alex laughed at his son's joy, the hand not holding Angie's coming up to clap Philip on the shoulder. Philip turned his blinding grin on his father.

"I hope you enjoy your time in this city," Alex told his son, giving his shoulder a proud squeeze, "I know that I did."

Philip leaned into his father's touch.

"Hello," Angie spoke up, "I'm still here."

Philip and Alex laughed, "You are very good at not letting people forget about you," Alex laughed.

"Who would want to?" Angie raised her brow.

"Never," Philip assured, reaching around Alex's shoulders to ruffle Angie's hair affectionately.

"Hey," protested Angie, but she was giggling so the effect was lost.

They found a nearby subway stop where they went to catch the C line towards the park. After Angie struggled for a few moments trying to scan her Metrocard which she swiped across the reader but it still wouldn't let her through.

"I guess we'll just have to leave you,” Alex called from the other side.

"Daaad," Angie groaned.

"Well come on then!" Philip teased.

"I don't remember this being so difficult," grumbled Angie under her breath and she attempted and failed to scan the card once again, giving a crow of delight when she finally succeeded.

They could hear the roar and rumble of the subway cars as they descended down to the platform to catch their train.

It was only a few stops away and they got out Angie immediately spotted the park, Central Park was one of those things that didn't change in perspective as she got older. It was still as as beautiful and as massive as she remembered.

"It's so weird there is this giant patch of green right in the middle of the city," Angie commented.

"I think it's poetic," Philip intoned.

"Says the poet," laughed Angie.

"If that was supposed to be any sort of an insult it didn't work," Philip replied

"I would never insult my big brother!" Angie declared melodramatically.

Philip let out a bark of laughter, "Right. Never."

"Nope."

They walked into the park and immediately it was like they were in a different world as they set down on one of the paths.

"They don't have parks like this in DC," Alex commented.

"Pops," Philip laughed, "you still compare things in DC to New York?"

"Of course," replied Alex, "New York was the first city I experienced when I moved here. It will always hold a special place in my heart."

"Awww you're so sentimental," Angie sighed, "it might just might make me sick."

Alex simply smiled at her. His kids didn't know about the exact circumstances of his childhood and what had brought him to New York. It wasn't that he was deliberately hiding it from them, it just wasn't something he liked talking about it.

Walking a little further they came across the bronze statue to of a proud looking husky.

"There it is!" Philip exclaimed as he walked forward.

"Wait for me," Angie called, her hand slipping from Alex's as she bounded over to her brother.

He watched as his eldest children circled the statue, chattering happily, and couldn't help but smile at their enthusiasm. Alex slipped his cell phone from his pocket and took a few quick pictures and sent them to Eliza.

Alex's phone dinged with message from Eliza.

From Eliza:

Looks like fun :)

Alex snapped a photo of himself making a kissy face and sent it with the caption: wish you were here.

He slipped his phone back into his pocket and rejoined Angie and Philip, "You know I remember coming over here with Uncle Laf-"

"Uh oh, here comes another story," Angie rolled her eyes.

"Well, he is our tour guide-" Philip chuckled.

"You know he mistook it for a lion," Alex chuckled, "lots of good memories in this park."

"How could he mistake it for a lion," Philip asked incredulously, "It's way too small to be a lion."

"Maybe they don't have huskies in France?" Angie shrugged.

"Or they were drunk?" Philip laughed.

Alex all of a sudden didn't look very proud as he began to blush, "Alright enough of this."

"One more picture?" Angie begged.

"Alright," Alex sighed pulling out his phone.

Angie stood on the edge of the base of the statue making her slightly taller than Philip. She wrapped her arms around his neck resting her chin on his shoulder.

She let out a sharp sneeze, "You have too much hair!" Angie complained.

The picture Alex captured showed Philip with his head thrown back in laughter as Angie attempted to look stern despite the smile that was tugging at the corners of her lips and the shine in her eyes.

"Very nice," Alex smiled sending another message to Eliza before they continued walking.

After awhile they came to rest on a bench, "What do you say to going back to Uncle Herc's?" Alex suggested.

"Sounds great," Angie replied, "I think exhaustion as catching up with me."

"Admitting defeat? For shame!" Philip declared.

"And if you don't stop talking like Shakespeare I will shut you up myself," Angie replied.

"Come on," Philip grabbed her wrists and hoisted her off the bench, she then leaned into him.

"Carry me?" Angie batted her eyelashes.

"Yeah right," Philip laughed.

"Oh, come on," wheedled Angie, "Not even a piggy back ride?"

"Well..." Philip paused, "I could do this," he grabbed his sister's waist and threw her over his shoulder much in the same way he would with John or William.

"Oh my god!" Angie shrieked and she started flailing around, "put me down! Put me down! That's not what I meant!"

Philip leaned back so that Angie started slipping down his back briefly releasing his hold on her. Angie let out a small scream and scrambled for purchase briefly before Philip renewed his grip with a laugh.

"You jerk!" Angie giggle-screeched, smacking her fist on Philip's lower back playfully.

"Ouch," Philip laughed, "Pops, Angie's hitting me."

"Aren't you supposed to be an adult now?" Alex asked with a grin, tucking his hands in his pockets, "What are you expecting me to do, anyway," he chuckled, "It's not like I can control her any better than you can."

"Put me down!" Angie complained again.

"But I thought you wanted me to carry you?"

"Philip Alexander!" Angelica spoke sternly as if she meant business.

"Angelica Rachel!" Philip replied in kind with a laugh.

"Philip!" Angie's voice became almost a whine.

"Okay, fine." Philip shifted his grip so that he could lower Angie back to the ground.

Her hair was in disarray and she let out a huff as she brushed it from her face and her cheeks were flushed.

"Alright you two come on," Alex laughed.

Angie shot her brother one more glare as they went back to Uncle Herc's.

The apartment was warm when they returned and the scent of home cooking filled the air.

"Welcome home Hamiltons!" Hercules greeted them as they walked in, "enjoy going to the park?"

"Definitely," Philip replied while Angie giggled at the bright pink apron Herc was wearing.

"You laugh," Herc looked at the teen, "but pink is a very masculine color."

"With lace?" Angie bit her lower lip.

"It's vintage."

"Well I like it," Philip grinned.

Angie stuck out her tongue at her older brother, "Suck up."

"You should never snark about the person who feeds you," said Philip haughtily, "It could impact whether or not you get dessert."

"He's right you know," Hercules laughed.

Angie's jaw dropped, "You can't be serious," she put in her best puppy dog pout accenting her large brown eyes.

Hercules slyly shot Alex a wink before making a show of thinking it over.

"Well," he drawled, drawing the word out, "I guess I can make an exception."

Angie then smiled brightly, matching Philip's almost perfectly, "So what didja make?" she asked excitedly.

"Just a little something I saw online," Hercules responded, "You'll have to wait and see. Your Aunt Beth should be home in a few minutes."

"They correct the cover mishap?" Alex asked brushing some stray strands of his long hair from his face.

"Thankfully," said Hercules sighed, "Beth sounded exhausted, though, which means that they probably did some last minute photo shoot."

Alex winced, "Yikes. That could not have been fun."

"I don't know how she does it," Hercules smiled, "but that's Beth for you."

"There must be something about the name Elizabeth," Alex laughed.

Not long after saying that Beth came into the apartment, despite the hectic day she'd been having still managed to look like a fashion plate. Her hair and makeup perfectly done, she looked flawless as always.

She shucked off her jacket which she carefully hung in the closet before letting out a sigh.

"You can't possibly mean to tell me my favorite niece and nephew are here and haven't said hello," Beth joined the rest of them.

"Auntie Beth!" Angie exclaimed, darting over to wrap her arms around her aunt.

Beth laughed and squeezed her tight.

"Look at you," Beth gestured for her to turn, "Alexander when did you let her grow up so much?"

"Believe me," Alex smiled, "if I had a choice I wouldn't have let her."

"Dad," Angie sighed.

"I'm only teasing," Alex chuckled.

"So then Mr. Handsome is Philip," Beth grinned at her nephew.

"Hi Aunt Beth," Philip went to hug her.

"Beth don't sound so surprised, it hasn't been that long since you last saw them," Hercules joined in.

"At this age, they're always changing and growing," Beth told her husband, "I know from experience."

"How is Will, anyway?" asked Alex.

"From the little we hear from him he's doing well," Hercules replied.

"He skyped us about a week ago," Beth added.

"He's doing training," Hercules continued, "Still only using simulators, but he said that he'll be cleared to fly the real thing very soon. Then we find out where he's being sent."

"He's in the air force, right?" Angie asked.

"Yes," confirmed Beth, "I just hope they don't send him anywhere too dangerous."

"I'm sure Will's going to be fine," Alex spoke reassuringly.

Beth nodded her head, "So what all is on the agenda while you are here?" she asked.

"Pops wants to show us some of his old hangouts," Philip said, repeating what they had told Hercules earlier.

"Oh?" Beth raised her brow, "well that should be fun," she smiled.

"He's already started with the stories," Angie spoke up.

"Alex what have you been telling them?" Hercules asked as the timer started to beep.

"Nothing inappropriate," Alex called after him indignantly as Hercules made him way back to the kitchen.

"From what Herc has told me," laughed Beth, "your entire adolescence was inappropriate."

"That is an exaggeration," Alex replied firmly, "it was not my entire adolescence."

"Okay maybe more like eighty five percent!" Hercules's voice rang out causing Angie and Philip began to laugh.

"After all, Uncle Laurens is the one who tells us the good stories," Philip added.

"You want to be careful with that," Hercules said, as he stepped back out of the kitchen, his hands, which were ensconced in dark blue oven mitts, resting on his hips, "If he gets too far into it, he'll forget who he's talking to and then all the stories will end with kissing."

Alex's eyes widened and he turned his gaze to his children, "That hasn't happened, has it?"

"No," Philip assured him, "Not yet, anyway."

"Leave it to John," Hercules smirked, "alright who is hungry?"

They spent several fun filled days at the Mulligan residence, traipsing around New York City. One morning, Alex and Philip went to have some father-son time and Angie helped Hercules at his shop and even managed--with her uncle's help--to sew a vest for herself, even if the stitches were a little lopsided. Sooner than any of them would have liked, it was time to take Philip to campus.

"Alright, here we are," Alex announced, "Carman Hall. Where to?"

Philip consulted his welcome packet. "Up," he said, "Looks like I'm all the way on the thirteenth floor."

"Thank god for elevators," laughed Alex.

The three of them walked to the elevator where Philip hit the button and they waited.

Philip grinned, "I can't believe this is happening."

He looked to Angie, who still hasn't let go of his hand, and she flashed a small smile in return. In his excitement, Philip didn't seem to notice the strain behind it, but Alex did.

Philip slid his card in the door which opened with a click and walked through the small hall. On one side was the door he assumed led to the bathroom and there was two other doors ahead of him for "A" and "B". Philip had been assigned room "A" which he opened and they all went inside to help him unpack.

The room was in the corner of the building, so two walls had nice-sized windows with a bed under each of them. Each bed had an accompanying bedside table. There were two double-door closets built into the wall right behind the door of the room.

"This furniture all looks vaguely familiar," Alex muttered, "I don't think they've changed it since I was here..."

"That's slightly frightening," grinned Philip, "but comforting at the same time."

As they ventured further into the room, Philip saw that there were two moderate desks to the right of the entrance, pushed together back to back.

Philip lay claim on one of the beds (his roommate had yet to arrive it seemed) and he looked out the window onto the city.

"I'm loving this view!" he breathed, letting out a delighted laugh.

Angie, who has finally let Philip's hand go, stood by the door, her arms wrapped around herself as she watched him press his face to the window glass.

Alex came up behind her and put an arm on her shoulder, "Let's get you unpacked."

Philip heartily agreed and they started unzipping bags and putting his clothes away and set up his desk.

Angie helped, but she was oddly quiet throughout the entire process. Philip had slid his bags into the space under his bed and smiled looking content. His joy began to dissipate as he saw the look on Angie’s face.

“Hey,” he said, catching her attention, “did you see the picture I put on my desk?”

Angie shook her head. Philip snagged the frame from his desk and showed her the picture inside. It was one of the first photographs of the two of them together, two-year-old Philip sleeping beside baby Angie in her crib. He used to climb in there during their nap time.

Angie sniffed and preemptively wiped at her eyes. Philip returned the photo to it’s place carefully.

“What’ll I do without you?” asked Angie miserably.

“You’re going to be fine,” Philip smiled as he hugged his younger sister.

“You don’t know that,” Angie pouted, “you can’t possibly know that-”

“Shhh,” Philip hushed her with a small laughed, “I know because you’re always fine, you can handle anything with or without me, and you know that I would never lie to you.”

Angie shook slightly, “I’m going to miss you,” she sighed trying her best to hold back her tears.

Alex stood off to the side watching this exchange that was even making tears come to his eyes, things were changing within the Hamilton family and this was that first big step. His oldest boy was going off to college, it almost seemed unreal when it felt like just yesterday he and Eliza were bringing him home from the hospital.

“I’m going to miss you too,” Philip his voice quavering a little as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and squeezed her shoulders.

Angie lay her head on Philip’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her to keep her close to him. He then put his hand under her chin so that they were looking directly at each other, “I’ll be back in DC before you know it, okay?”  the beginnings of tears were in his eyes as well and his voice started to crack.

Angie nodded her head and brushed some her tears from her eyes.

“You alright?”

“Yeah…” Angie’s voice was quiet and small.

“You don’t sound alright,” Philip furrowed his brow.

Angie rubbed at her eye, “I will be.”

“That’s what like to hear,” Philip playfully ruffled her hair, “and you aren’t going to go and pick fights with the Jeffersons are you?”

Angie shook her head, “No…”

“That goes for you too Pops,” Philip looked at his father.

“I swear on Thomas’s...” Alex paused, “alright, I’ll behave.”

Philip turned back to his sister, “I’m only four hours away, okay Ange?”

Angie nodded her head slowly.

Philip smiled, “Okay, one more hug?”

Angie nodded before throwing her arms around Philip’s middle and squeezing him tight relishing the moment.

“Oookay,” Philip chuckled, “did Uncle Herc teach you the art of the bear hug?”

Angie smiled slightly, “You know it.”

“My turn,” Alex stepped forward to hug his son, “Good luck this semester, I know you’re gonna do great.”

“I’ll do my best Pops,” Philip replied.

“College is the chance of a lifetime,” Alex started, “and Columbia is a great school--”

“I know dad,” Philip chuckled, “I’m already here, you don’t need to give me the whole shpiel.”

Alex smiled, “I know that, it’s just--Son…” he gave Philip one more tight hug.

“So this is goodbye?” Philip asked.

“Well until you come home for Thanksgiving, otherwise your mother will never let me hear the end of it,” Alex laughed.

“I know,” Philip grinned, “bye Pops,” he then turned to his sister, “bye Angie.”

Angie bit at her lower lip, “Bye Philip,” she muttered.

Philip gave her shoulder an affectionate squeeze before she and Alex left his dorm. Angie walked solemnly beside her father as door closed with a soft click behind them.

"So I was thinking we could take a ride on the ferry and go to Fraunces Tavern before heading back home." Alex noticed Angie sniffling.

"Angie?" He could see tears steadily falling down Angie's face.

"Hey, hey, it's going to be alright," Alex pulled her close, "I know it's going to be weird to having Philip around, and I know how close you are but it's not like you're never going to see him again."

"I know," Angie replied, she inhaled deeply, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

Angie started to nod her head in the affirmative but stopped, "No..."

Alex glanced around and guided his daughter to the floor lounge and made her take a seat on the couch. "Angie look at me?" he took hold of his daughters hands.

Angie slowly looked up at her father, her brown eyes rimmed red with tears.

Alex reached out to brush away her tears, "You're okay."

Angie closed her eyes at her father's gentle touch and leaned into his grasp. "It's okay."

"I know," Angie spoke softly.

Alex just held her for a moment, hoping it would be enough to make her feel better. She eventually lay her head on his shoulder, the look in her eye was still rather melancholy.

"You ready to go?" Alex asked, "it's okay if you aren't-"

"I'm ready," Angie nodded.

"Good," Alex smiled, "so Fraunces?"

Angie nodded back, "Fraunces."

"Great, you know they have great chowder," Alex started talking as they left the dorm, "and that's the same place where Laurens, Mulligan and I-"

"Dad!" Angie sighed.

"I thought you like my stories?" Alex pouted.

"Only when you haven't told them a million times."

Alex sighed, "Fine," they walked in silence for a bit, "you know I'm sure that we can work it out that you come and visit-"

"Really?" Angie's face brightened.

"Sure thing," Alex draped his arm over her.

They made their way out of the dorm building, Angie gratefully leaning into Alex's side.

Angie leaned against the railing on the ferry, the wind whipped through her hair causing it to fan out behind her. A smile on her face clued Alex in that she was at least feeling a little bit better.

"Where is my Leonardo DiCaprio?" Angie mused.

Alex couldn't help but laugh, "Isn't he a little old for you?"

Angie smirked, "Doesn't make him any less attractive."

"You and your mother," Alex shook his head, "she dragged me to see that movie and I couldn't help but think when is that damn ship going to sink."

"Mama watched it with me and Theo once," Angie giggled.

"Did she cry?" Alex laughed, "no matter how many times she sees it she still cries."

"We all did," Angie informed him, closing her eyes and turning her face into the breeze, allowing it to flow over her, "It's a sad movie."

"I suppose," conceded Alex, taking the chance to watch her now that her eyes were closed. She looked so much like Eliza, it made his heart swell.

His little girl was growing up, this was something his father-in-law had warned him about in a teasing fashion. One day he would blink and she would be all grown up. Alex had just never expected it to happen so quickly.

Angie's eyes opened and she found her father's intense, focused gaze on her. She smiled slightly and turned away, "What?"

"Nothing," assured Alex, "Just thinking."

Angie's smile flickered. She was definitely feeling better, Alex noted, but there was still obviously something wrong, he just could not figure out what.

A few minutes later the ferry docked and they got off in search of Fraunces, "This place has been around forever, and when I say forever I mean forever," Alex began to talk.

"It must be as old as you," Angie teased lightly.

Alex gave an over dramatic gasp, " _Mon ange_! That hurts me."

Angie giggled as she casually bumped into her father as they walked, "You kinda walked into that."

"You just don't love me," sighed Alex.

"Dad," Angie groaned, rolling her eyes, "You are such a drama queen."

They walked through Staten Island and came upon an old building, Angie realized her dad has been right it certainly looked like it had been there forever.

"Would you do me the honor of accompanying me to lunch, m'lady," Alex offered grandly.

"Oh my god, dad," laughed Angie, taking his arm.

\----------

Angie was unusually quiet during the drive back to DC. At first, it appeared to be because she was sleeping, but Alex soon noticed that she was actually just blankly staring out the window.

" _Mon ange_?" Alex eventually spoke up.

"Hmmm?" Angie turned to face him.

"Are you alright?"

Angie didn't utter a word she just nodded her head and went back to looking out the window.

Alex furrowed his brow, there was no denying that something was wrong. Angie never got like this, she was almost always happy and smiling.

It was true that Angie and Philip were very close and she often pouted of they had to spend any amount of time apart, but this was so much more than usual. Although Philip would be away for much longer, modern technology would allow Angie to still see him often, even if it was digitally.

Even before the two of them had talked at length about keeping in touch through the texting and Skype. Her reaction was more extreme than what Alex had anticipated it would be. He made a note that he was going to have to talk to Eliza about this.

He hoped that it would simply get better with time, but it was a good idea to discuss it with Eliza anyway.

Eliza was always good about noticing even the slightest changes in their children's behavior. He was certain within five seconds of Angie walking in the door she would already be pondering what was wrong with her daughter. It was best for them to discuss this now, perhaps they might wait it out a bit. Give Angie and others time adjust to life without Philip around... Maybe all it would take was time.

When they did eventually arrive home it was nearly dinner time. Angie mumbled something about not being hungry and walked passed Eliza without a second glance. A few moments later, the sound of her door closing was heard.

"What's wrong?" Eliza asked worriedly.

"She's been like that since we dropped Philip off," Alex explained, "I..." He was at a loss, he hated not knowing.

"Where's Sissy?" William walked over to his father.

Alex picked up William, "Angie doesn't feel well," he told his youngest son.

William frowned, "Does she have a boo-boo?" he asked.

"She's just missing Philip," Alex replied.

William frowned, "But she just saw Philip."

"I know," Alex nodded, "but you know how close they are-"

"Like two peas in a pod!" William recited almost dutifully.

"Exactly," Alex chuckled.

"Does Sissy need a hug?" queried William, "I can give her a hug."

"I think she just wants to be alone," said Alex gently.

William didn't appear to understand his sister's decision, but he obviously wanted to respect her wishes so he simply mumbled a quiet "mkay" before asking to be put down and running back to James and John in the living room.

\----------

A few weeks after Angie and Alex returned from New York school for the kids started up again and the family switched from one routine to the other. But Eliza couldn't help but notice that more often than not Angie seemed very down. Half the time she would go to school, come back and go to her room. She was certain this had to be so much more than just missing Philip, but she didn't know what else it could be.

Eliza leaned over to press a kiss to William's forehead. The boy had finally fallen asleep after no less than three bed time stories. She made sure that the night light was on before she left, closing the door softly behind her. As she made her way to the kitchen, Eliza stopped briefly in front of Angie's bedroom door, hearing nothing but silence. Angie's schoolwork had taken an alarming dip in the past weeks and she had all but failed her music history test, despite it being her favorite class.

Eliza sighed, she had gone on long enough without satin or doing anything. She just wanted her daughter to be happy and healthy, clearly right now she wasn't. Walking past the living room she went to Alex's office. The door was closed, a sure sign that he was hard at work but Eliza didn't care at this point, they needed to talk about this.

"Alex?" Eliza knocked on his door, "Alex, we need to talk."

There was no response from inside, but she could have expected that. Alex often lost sight of the world around him when he was working. Usually she would just leave him to it, but this was too important. Alex continued working even as she entered the room and walked over to him where he was hunched over his laptop, typing furiously. He only looked up when Eliza placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Eliza," he said with mild surprise.

"We need to talk," repeated Eliza.

Alex shifted some of his papers on his desk, "What is it?"

"It's about Angie," Eliza sighed, "I'm really worried about her."

Alex exhaled, "Me too."

"I don't know what to do," Eliza admitted.

"We could take her to a psychiatrist?" Alex suggested, "or something."

"She'll never want to go," Eliza shook her head, "but I think you're right."

Angie was usually such a happy person, extremely bright and bubbly. Sure, she'd had low moments before, but nothing as extreme as this.

"We should at least try and talk to her," Eliza added, "instead of springing it on her out of the blue."

Alex nodded in agreement. He wasn't the right person to make decisions when subtlety was involved, so he deferred to Eliza's judgement.

"We'll need to sit her down," Eliza brushed her hair behind her ear, "sooner rather than later," she folded her arms across her chest.

"I know," Alex sunk into his chair.

"Well she doesn't have school tomorrow," Eliza mused.

Alex took in the expression on Eliza's face, he stood up from his chair and put his hands on her shoulders and brought her close, "We'll figure this out."

Eliza sighed and tucked her head into his shoulder.

The following morning, Angie didn't emerge from her room until nearly eleven, moving so quietly that Eliza almost missed her footsteps. She followed her daughter into the kitchen and watched for a moment as Angie rooted through the refrigerator.

"Hungry?" she asked softly.

Angie started slightly, but recovered quickly and shrugged her shoulders.

"There's some leftovers," Eliza offered, "Or I could make you a sandwich."

Angie shrugged again, her focus still on the contents of the fridge.

"Angie," sighed Eliza, "Please say something."

"Why," Angie muttered.

"Your father and I are worried about you. We'd like to talk."

The girl nodded with a resigned expression and shut the refrigerator door before taking a seat at the kitchen table. Eliza called for Alex and the two of them sat. Alex placed himself in the seat beside Angie and Eliza settled across from them.

"Well?" Angie raised her brow, "what do you want to talk about?"

Eliza and Alex exchanged a quick look before turning their attention on Angie.

"Angie," Eliza started, "we wanted to let you know that if something was wrong you can always talk to us."

"Nothing is wrong," Angie replied sharply.

"Angie," Alex cut in, "we think you might be depressed-"

"What?" Angie backed away from him, "No I'm not!"

"Angie... Please..." Eliza sighed giving a sharp look towards her husband.

"I'm not depressed," Angie said through gritted teeth, tears shining in her eyes.

"Angie," Eliza said gently, "sweetheart, we're worried about you."

Angie cast her gaze down towards floor, "I'm fine."

"Angelica, I can hardly call this fine," Eliza bit her lower lip, "ever since New York--"

"I'm fine," Angie replied tears beginning to fall down her face, "it's just that--" she paused.

Alex opened his mouth to speak, but Eliza stopped him with a hand on his elbow, allowing Angie to get her thoughts in order, to say what she wanted to say in her own time.

Angie tried to steady her breathing between her tears and was feeling, "I'm scared..." She whispered.

"Of what?" Alex asked. His voice was calm, but there was a slight waver that betrayed the emotions he was feeling.

Angie wiped her tears from her eyes, and shrugged, "I don't know..." She desperately wish she could put words into how she felt but nothing was coming to her.

"Take your time sweetheart," Eliza reached for her hand as sobs overcame Angie.

"Mama..." Angie choked out between tears.

Eliza rose and walked around the table, kneeling so that she could be level with Angie and Alex, pulling her daughter close.

Angie relaxed slightly in her mother's arms and she could feel her father take one of her hands.

"We want to help you," Eliza spoke softly, "is that okay?"

Angie nodded her head, "Please."

Alex watched in silence, a tortured look on his face. His daughter, his angel, was hurting and he didn't know how to help. There was nobody he could write to it yell at, his words--his biggest power--were useless.

\----------

Alex couldn't stop his leg from bouncing no matter how many times Eliza tried to stop him. He wanted nothing more than to get up and pace, but the psychiatrist's waiting room was too small for it to really be helpful for him.

"Alex.." Eliza whispered.

"Sorry Bets," Alex replied.

"This is all to help Angie," Eliza reminded him.

"I know, I know," assured Alex, forcing his leg to stop bouncing.

It didn't seem to help all that much, as it started back up again in a short moment.

Eliza sighed but said nothing more on the matter as they waited for their daughter.

When the office door opened, Alex inadvertently shot to his feet, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

"Mr and Mrs Hamilton," the psychiatrist, Dr Hadley, greeted warmly, "We're ready for you."

Alex swallowed and Eliza stood up beside him and took his hand as they followed Dr. Hadley back to her office.

She opened the door to reveal Angie sitting in an oversized arm chair with her hands in her lap. Alex couldn't help but note that she looked... Drained.

Dr. Hadley gestured for them to sit on the couch nearby.

Alex wanted nothing more than to go directly to Angie's side, but he contented himself with sitting on the side of the couch that was as close to hr as he could possibly get.

Dr. Hadley sat in her chair and grabbed the blue folder that had "Angelica R. Hamilton" written on the tab. She lay it in her lap and opened it up, there were pages of notes written on legal paper, various documents the three of them had to sign before starting etc. She pulled out one packet that looked vaguely like a survey and closed the folder.

"Alright, so I have been evaluating Angie," Dr. Hadley explained, "and I wanted to let you know what I have found."

Alex felt Eliza's hand brush against his and he intertwined their fingers, flicking a quick glance towards their daughter before bringing his attention back to Dr. Hadley.

"Angie appears to have bipolar disorder," the doctor began, "She is currently going through an extreme depressive stage, catalyzed by her brother leaving for university. What I understand from my discussions with the two of you and with Angie, she has experienced manic stages in the past, which is why I believe this to be bipolar disorder rather than depression."

Angie let out a sigh and Alex looked over at her and his heart twinged, they had a name for it but he certainly didn't like it.

"So what do we do from here?" Eliza asked.

"The most important thing right now is to treat Angie's current depression," Dr. Hadley explained.

"Alright, so what does this mean?" Eliza continued.

"Continued visits with a psychiatrist are a good place to start," Dr. Hadley went on, "once a week at first, and while I don't normally suggest this for patients as young as Angie... I think we may need to consider antidepressants."

Alex clenched his fist tighter, he hadn't even been sure that had been possible.

"With that in mind," Dr. Hadley added, "I think starting her on fluoxetine is the best option, I'm going to write up two prescriptions," she went to fill out the pages, "to take to the pharmacy downstairs, one is for a week’s worth on 10 milligrams. The week following that you'll bump up to the following prescription of 20 milligrams." Dr. Hadley handed them prescriptions to Eliza.

"And this will help her?" Alex asked.

"I'm afraid, Mr. Hamilton, you won't see immediate results, it'll probably take about six weeks before you see any significant changes," Dr. Hadley explained, "these things take time, now at that time I will reevaluate her and see if there are any changes. If not we'll discuss a different course of action."

Waiting was definitely not Alex's strong suit. Eliza have his hand a small squeeze.

But he would learn, he had to for Angie.

Angie was quiet on the drive home and Alex kept glancing at her in the rear view mirror.

He could vaguely make out dark circles under her eyes, it seemed that on top of it all she hadn't been sleeping well.

He heard Eliza's phone ring from deep inside her purse and she went to reach for it, "It's Philip..."

"Please don't tell him," Angie said softly, her voice breaking.

Eliza understood without asking that she meant to tell Philip herself.

Eliza unlocked her phone to take the call, "Hi Sweetie."

Alex watched Angie rest her head in her arms against the window.

"Hi Mom," Philip replied cheerfully.

"How is school?" Eliza asked.

"It's great!" Philip replied enthusiastically, "I'm taking all these amazing classes."

His excitement was palpable, even over the mediocre connection and the slight far-away sound of the cell's speaker phone.

"The intro to poetry class is going to be so much fun," he continued, "We're going to talk about a bunch of different kinds of poems and at the end of the semester we need to submit a portfolio with examples of our own poems in each style."

Eliza smiled, "That sounds great sweetie."

"So how are things back home?" Philip asked.

"I'm actually in the car right now with your father and your sister," Eliza said instead of truly answering the question, "You're on speaker phone."

"Oh... Hi all!" Philip called out, "Ange I haven't heard from you in forever!"

"Sorry," Angie said, barely loud enough for Philip to hear her.

"Angie?" There was a twinge of concern in Philip's voice.

"I'm here," She replied only a little louder.

There was a brief moment of silence, "Mama can I talk to Philip?" Angie asked.

"Sure," Eliza nodded before taking the phone off speaker and passing it to Angie.

"Angie, you okay?" Philip asked, "do you have a cold or something?" He added, it was now very clear that he was worried.

Angie hesitated. It had been difficult enough hearing about Dr. Hadley's diagnosis, she had no idea how she would be able to get herself to actually say the words.

"Philip I..." Angie started, she could feel her chest tightening and the tears starting up again. The last thing she wanted was to have Philip be worrying about her.

"Angel?"

The sound of that nickname, the one that only Philip ever used for her, broke what little control she had.

Tears began to stream down her cheeks and she couldn't help the small sob that left her, even as she tried to muffle it with her hand.

"Angel, what's wrong?" Philip asked, his voice filled with worry and slightly on the edge of panic.

"A lot," admitted Angie, her voice wavering.

"W-what does that mean?" Philip asked.

Angie bit her lower in a vain attempt to pull herself together but it wasn't working. "I went to a psychiatrist and they said-" another sob wracked her body, "I'm sorry-"

"Don't be," Philip replied, "what's going on?"

"They said I'm bipolar," Angie sniffled.

There was silence from the other side of the line, broken only by the sound of Philip's breath.

"Pip?" whispered Angie, her small voice sounding very young, "Please say something."

"I'm looking up train times," Philip informed her, "I'm coming home."

Angie wanted to protest but on the other hand she really wanted to see Philip.

"Can you give me back to mom?" he asked, "I need to run these times by her."

"Okay," Angie murmured.

As she began to pull the phone away from her ear, she heard him call her name again.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Angie let out a shuddering breath, "Love you too."

She handed the phone forward to Eliza and let her head rest against the car window, her eyes fluttering shut. She fell into a doze, soothed by the sound of her mother's voice.  


**Author's Note:**

> Ages:  
> Philip-18  
> Angie-16  
> AJ-14  
> James-12  
> John-9  
> Will-5  
> Lizzie-2


End file.
